My cousin Rachel is a hospice nurse. When she sold her house in anticipation of her upcoming nuptials, it made sense for her to move in temporarily with our grandmother, "Mimi," who was diagnosed with a cancerous tumor in her stomach around Christmas time. Everyone knew that a move for Mimi, out to live with my Mom, was inevitable at some point, but it was not her preference to leave home. So Rachel spent her nights there, and a caregiver came to stay with Mimi during the day while Rachel worked.
On Monday, when Rachel and I were on our way to shop for the wedding trousseau, we received a call notifying us that Mimi had fallen and couldn't get up. So we made a detour, drove by the house, and picked Mimi up, literally. She was tired, but still in relatively good spirits, and her Minister from Church had arrived to visit, so Rachel and I went on to our errand.
When we returned, Mimi wanted to look at what we'd bought, so we laid the lovelies out on the bed for her to see, and she raised her eyebrows and said, "What you need to know is whether your fiance is a butt man or a boob man. They're all either one or the other."
And Rachel said, "Mimi! Get your mind out of the gutter! I don't know that, because we're not married yet."
Mimi also used to sing a song that went "Oh, I wish I were a fascinating lady, with a future so bright and a past kind of shady." I forget the whole lyric, but it ends on the note--"Instead of a minister's wife!"--which is exactly what Mimi had been until my Grandpa died several years ago. There's a certain dirty sense of humor that only a True Innocent can pull off. But still, if I have my own tendency towards ribald humor, it's probably Mimi's fault.
Rachel and Mimi interacted like two warring sisters while they lived together. Mimi, still hoping to return to health had hidden her car keys so Rachel couldn't hide them from her. She said to Rachel, "When are you getting your stuff out of here? I'm ready to have my space back."
And Rachel answered, "What do you need space for? You going to start aerobics?"
"No, I just like my space." Mimi's long time mantra has been, "There is no roof in the world wide enough for two women to live under." All things considered, however, Rachel and Mimi were making a pretty good go of it. Some moments were tense, but others were tender. When we were picking Mimi off the floor she said, "You're so rough! Stop hurting me!" Not long after that, she said, "What would I do without you? You take such good care of me."
On Friday night after the wedding rehearsal, Rachel went home to Mimi's rather than staying with my cousins so she could get extra sleep. She had more packing to do so she decided to take the risk that Mimi would keep her up throughout the night with trips to the bathroom, etc.
"What are you doing here?" Mimi asked when Rachel returned.
"I decided to come home and get things done. I'm getting married in the morning, you know." She showed Mimi the pictures on her phone of the decorating we'd done that day.
Mimi said, "It's going to be beautiful. I wish I could be there." Then they both went to sleep.
A half hour later, Mimi called out for help to the bathroom. Rachel went into her bedroom, and Mimi stood up and died.
***
The past two weeks have been a whirlwind. We went ahead with the wedding the following day. A few days later, everyone came back into town for a funeral.
My mom and I have been at Mimi's house all afternoon, going through things…so many things. And I'm not sure any of us have put the necessary closure on this era in our lives--my last surviving grandparent has just died. She was happy to go. We're all happy for her that she got to stay at home until the end, and that she didn't suffer much -- her death happened quickly, while she was in action, which is like her. She was almost ninety.
Anyway, I've been meaning to tie all of my thoughts together on the subject, but I can't. I'll be back to blogging whenever I'm back.
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