Betty Duffy

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Thigh Problems

Apparently it's time to break out the shorts. Which should mean fun times for summer lovers. Unfortunately, I have a genetic complication with shorts season, in that, of the two sets of thighs in the photo above, I got the set on the right. They're great thighs if you're in the NFL.

They are not great thighs if you are an aging woman who is less than six feet tall. I've often wondered if I missed a calling as a women's rugby player, or a rower. I do run, which has never been my calling, being a thick-boned woman with chafing thighs, but it burns calories and helps me think, and so a large part of my life has been devoted to finding the right pair of shorts in which to do so.

(Fun family memory: Nine years old, wearing corduroys for a hiking trip in the Smokey Mountains, my thighs were bleeding due to the inseam of my pants. I was crying for my parents to carry me, but I wasn't a little girl by any standards, so the obvious solution was just to take the pants off. We were alone on the trail anyway. But I didn't want to hike in my unders; I didn't want to hike, period. So I threw a tantrum, which didn't do much for getting us the three miles we needed to travel out of the woods. At wit's end, my parents tried to remove my pants by force, which caused me to scream, "Don't take my pants off! I don't want you to take my pants off!" in shrieking tones. And it was at that moment, that we saw the only other people in the woods on that day. I don't know how my parents explained themselves.)

Anyway, after all these years, they are now making running shorts for people like me--biking shorts with something like a skirt built over them--called, The Skapri.

(As you can see, I have no idea how to take a photo off the internet and put it on a blog so that it looks right.)

Leggings cover the biggest part of the leg, and prevent chafing. Skirt slims and covers your bum. Best pants ever (and I'm not getting paid for this).

(P.S. You can find them cheaper than at the above-linked website. I found mine at the Rack for half that price.)

Clearly, I've got nothing interesting going on in my mind, so please read this post at Reading for Believers instead. Any time Otepoti writes, you know you're going to be led on a very good ride. This one takes her from New Zealand to China where she helps out her friend, Pentimento, by shepherding P's adopted son back to the United States.


Amy@Diapeepees said...

That's the funniest mini link ever.

Jus said...

If it makes you feel better I do not believe any adult person ought to wear short pants. They look adorable on children but I think they look ridiculous, in all of their styles, on all but 4 or 5 living adults.

claire said...

This is hysterical.

On another note, I wanted to tell you how sorry I am for the loss of your grandmother (I tried to comment on that post, but was unable to). I think it's great that your cousin proceeded with the wedding, and that your grandmother was with family in her last days. Grandparents have been very special in my life, and I know it's hard to say goodbye to the last members of that generation. I also loved your piece on people vs things.

Erin said...

I went from feeling sorry for you to laughing out loud at that family memory story. Now my emotions are just confused.

JMB said...

Who's the FIGI? My bro the priest was one at Miami of O.

BettyDuffy said...

That's my dad. At Wabash.

Claire, thanks for your note.

Jus, I have to agree with you.

MrsDarwin said...

I am not particularly big boned, but I have the sort of curvaceous figure in which the lower curves are formed by rather voluptuous thighs of the sort that have been out of fashion for 300 years. I can only keep them under control by disciplined running, which I hate (both the discipline and the running). A-line skirts and dresses hit me at the wrong point entirely, making my lower half balloon. I'm always searching for the magic outfit that will slim and elongate my legs.

Plus, my legs are pasty white, a condition that is not helped regardless of the hours I spend in the sun (which I don't, because I burn). So there's no good hot weather clothing for me, since capris also make my legs look stumpy. As do shorts and flip-flops. I think I should move to Lapland and herd reindeer with the Sami.

Rebekka said...

I so hear you. I am not slender by any interpretation at all, but thighwise I am blessed (cursed?) not by saddlebags but by innerbags. Uggghhhh. I do not wear shorts. Ever. Not even as pyjamas. I wear capris in the summer and that's as short as it gets. Leggings under skirts (which looks okay with denim IMO but not so much other things). Anyway, I just bought some really vulgarly named Body Glide Anti-Chafing stuff which apparently is made for athletes and recommended by fat people. Haven't tried it yet, though. Maybe it would help too?

I don't know if I've ever commented on your blog, although I've read it for a long time. Trust a topic like thigh drag to get me out of the bushes. Blech.

Kris Livovich said...

To echo Claire, I am sorry for the loss of your Grandmother, but think that going ahead with the wedding, with all the tears and laughter it would have entailed was a brave thing to do. Seems like it was the best way to honor her.

Also, the thighs? My husband calls mine, "good Steinbeckian peasant stock legs" meant for bearing children and carrying burdens. He means it to be complimentary, but it doesn't help my vanity!

JMB said...

Mrs. Darwin,
My answer to the pasty white legs is fake tan. It works like a charm. I really like the Jergens one which now has sunscreen in it, so you can fake bake while you bake. It's genius.

What's helped my short peasant stock legs is the Barre Method/Lotte Berk ballet type exercise class. It's really hard but totally appreciate my muscular thighs now that I've seen what they can do.

Sara said...

A slightly longer version of this is extremely popular in the heavily Orthodox Jewish town I used to live in. Those jogging moms-of-many always looked super cute in them and their snoods.