Betty Duffy

(Amateur)

Thursday, September 8, 2011

"I don't have much to say, but I am well-placed to say it"

...says my brother-in-law, standing in front of the campfire, cigarette in hand, giving the audience his best vacuous Brad Pitt glare. The kids were set to go to bed, but one last story was promised, and somebody gave him the stage. Or maybe he just took the stage; I can't remember.

"Nice theatrical presentation," says my oldest son, "Not much of a plot." So somebody told a fart joke, and the kids went in to sleep.

Anyway, the line keeps coming back to me, as I sit here with my blog, not writing anything very interesting, but feeling nonetheless, the need to say something. So imagine me glaring at you right now. I am well-placed to say...something...if I could just think of what's important enough to say.

Last week sometime, I was doing the Sorrowful Mysteries, and the Crucifixion in the last decade came as this wonderful catharsis. Oh yeah, we get to die at the end of all this. Leave it to other people to unravel the mysteries of living in the modern world. I was having a bad day.

Not a week later, same mysteries, same decade, same Crucifixion, I'm in a good mood, and just can't get into it. I don't want to think about suffering right now. I'm happy. Jesus...You're sort of bringing me down.

Just shows how little I actually bring to my prayers. I wish I had more to offer God sometimes, more concentration, more depth, more fervor, a nice juicy plot.

I've had too much output of late, not enough quality input, which equals spiritual and intellectual lethargy. And the cool gray days don't produce much in the way of vim and vigor.

So I think I'll shut up for awhile and do the laundry.


6 comments:

Lizzie said...

Thank you! I needed to be reminded again that God does all the work with prayer-at the moment I feel as though the majority of my life is just about managing to show up... Somehow God is working in and through that though. On another note, I wondered if you've heard of Kyle Kramer? I read and loved his book 'A Time to Plant' over the Summer holidays. He lives in Indiana and works at a Benedictine monastery. The book is all about living more simply as a spiritual discipline. Reading it was like a mini retreat!

TS said...

I don't want to think about suffering right now. I'm happy. Jesus...You're sort of bringing me down.

Wow, uncannily, I had that exact same experience this past Tuesday.

Erin said...

"I've had too much output of late, not enough quality input..."

Could not have said it any better myself. This feeling occurs to me more and moreso as I get older... become an adult. It's tough. But sometimes laundry helps. ;) I think God understands either way and love us always. Isn't that an awesome thought?!

Kimberlie said...

"I don't have much to say, but I am well placed to say it." Yup. That about sums me up particularly when it comes to my conversations with God. I don't have a lot to say, but I say a lot, and I don't shut up and listen nearly enough.

I decided to take a break from blogging, a bit of a hiatus, because I feel too much pressure to have something really profound to write about or some really witty, pithy, little blurb. Then I can't listen to what God might want me to ponder and write about.

Notice I am still commenting though 'cuz I am still reading blogs of people I like. :)

BettyDuffy said...

I am honored to be among them, Kimberlie.

Lizzie, I have not heard of this book but, if he lives in Indiana, he must be from St Meinrad. I'll have to find it.

TS--I wonder if it's just a Midwestern mood when it starts turning Fall. It really is the best season we have.

Erin, A very awesome thought.

Lady..Rosary said...

Just shows how little I actually bring to my prayers. I wish I had more to offer God sometimes..These are my thoughts exactly. I wish I could bring more to the table. With everything that I have to do everyday, I seem to forget to put more effort into this important thing.