Betty Duffy

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Three good reasons NOT to see "Soul Surfer"

Trailer Here.

1. You knew how the boys would take it, that from the time the credits rolled until you dropped the DVD safely back into the Redbox at Walmart, they'd be asking if they could watch the part where she gets her arm bitten off by a shark just one more time.

2. You didn't foresee a sunny afternoon sitting out in the backyard, when your daughter would come sit sulkily next to you on the grass, sighing and pulling her knees up to her chin.

"What's the matter?" you ask.

"What am I going to do when I grow up?" she's almost crying. This is the question on which her happiness for the moment depends. She needs assurance that growing up isn't going to stink.

But it probably will, so you answer, "My guess is, whatever you work the hardest at."

"But I don't work hard at anything."

"You can fix that today!" you say cheerily. But she's not impressed. She's still sulking.

"Do you want to be a mom?" you ask. No.
"A teacher?" No.
"A musician?" No.

Suddenly, you can read her heart, and its desire dawns on you: "Do you want to be a surfer who gets her arm bitten off by a shark, then defies the odds and inspires a Nation in Crisis by getting back on her surf board?"

Your daughter looks up; she nods her head. Yes, it's what she wants to do.

"Better get crackin'."

3. But the greatest shock comes after the kids are in bed, and you round the corner to your bedroom, and discover your husband wearing little more than scivvies and sunglasses, lunging on the braided rug with his arms outstretched to either side.

"What the hell?" you say.

"I'm soul surfing," he answers.

He swivels his hips slightly over hypothetical waves, forcing you to ask the question, "Is this foreplay?" Time has taught you to nail down precisely when foreplay is taking place, lest you miss it altogether.

"As a matter of is foreplay!"

So you hit the lights, thinking shark attack is maybe the way to go.

And if you need a fourth reason, see here. But go ahead and rent the movie if you must. Carrie Underwood plays a Christian in it.

*Please note, the above scenarios are pure hypothesis. Any resemblance to actual Duffys is just a coincidence.


mrsdarwin said...

You've scared me off. Rent Jane Eyre as a purgative.

Kimberlie said...

I can't really type because I am laughing too hard. Thank you. I needed that.

Peter and Nancy said...

So far we've avoided it. Even though it involves a shark attack (cool), my eldests are 9- and 10-year-old boys and the Surfer is a girl (not cool). Now I need to go bleach my brain to be rid of #3 . . . :o)

JMB said...

I'm a big Dennis Quaid fan (I know I'm so old) so we rushed out to see it when it first came out. I loved it! except I had to laugh when they showed a picture of the real family and the mom looked absolutely nothing like Helen Hunt. It was almost as bad as the family in that Sandra Bullock movie, which of course I can't remember the name of.

BettyDuffy said...

The Blind Side!

I like Dennis Quaid too.

Trish Bailey de Arceo said...

Ha ha! Hilarious! I love your family... so colorful and fun. And you capture their idiosyncrasies so well!

The Cottage Child said...

Y'all are kinky, I knew it.

What is this "foreplay" you go on about"?

Matthew Lickona said...

Did you mean "lunging" or "lounging"?

Mandy said...

Seriously funny. Definitely not seeing it! bahahaa

BettyDuffy said...

Definitely meant "lunging," as in, warrior pose.

Sharon Kieffer Steele said...

So funny. We have dodged that one by way of the fact that the boys are the only ones old enough to see it - and I am sure that it would be met with jeers and cracks about bitten off arms. Phew. I hate highly emotive/inspirational movies like that. I need to email you - we are coming to Indy. Let's hook up a visit.