How does it come to this?

Conversation:

Six year old daughter: “Mommy, that lady has fat inappropriate parts!”

Me: “Um, that lady has large breasts, but she is not fat…. You need to know, though, that her body parts are not inappropriate; it’s only inappropriate to let them hang out of your clothes in public."

Nine-year-old son: “What about breast feeding?”

Me: “Well that’s different because that’s what breasts are for, but it’s still good to be discrete when breastfeeding.”

Son: “What’s the difference between breastmilk and formula?”

Me: “Breastmilk is the best food for babies because God made it, whereas people make formula.”

Son: “Can we drink breastmilk?”

Me: “I could probably let you have some in a cup, but it would be weird for you to nurse.”

Son: “That’s because we’re neutered!”

Me: “Not neutered, weaned.”

Son: “Oh yeah, neutered is what you do to dogs to get rid of their mating instincts.”

Eight-year-old son pipes up from backseat: “I want to get neutered because I hate girls!”

Nine-year-old: “Yeah! Let’s get neutered!”

Me: “I don’t think you want to get neutered because that would mean having your body parts cut off, and one day, you might like girls.”

Nine-year-old: “I’m never going to like girls!”

Me: “Well, I hope you never get neutered anyway.”

Nine-year-old: “Then I’m going to get neutered when I’m a rebellious teenager!”

Me: “If you’re a rebellious teenager, getting neutered is the last thing you’re going to want to do.”