Betty Duffy

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

A Little Bit of Evil

(Journal excerpt, this day, last year)

“We think that evil is basically good. We think we need it, at least a little, in order to experience the fullness of being.” --Pope Benedict XVI, “Benedictus” p288

Like the devil “I will not serve.” If I give myself entirely to God, reject evil completely, he might ask me to serve people who are perfectly capable of serving themselves (my children, my husband), people who are not weak and helpless, but actually flawed. I do not wish to expend my energy, which could be spent on my interests or on garnering the undemanding love of other people. This is the failure of my love.

“The closer a person is to God, the closer he is to people.” (p288)

If I have surrendered completely to God, I can love the fallible people I have been given to love. I can love anyone. I can love my children who are on the verge of sin awareness, who as they grow will bear the signs of my failure to love them well, who will make mistakes, who may hurt others in ways I have hurt them, who may hurt others in completely irrational ways. If I have surrendered completely to God, I can love without fear. I can serve without fear that my efforts will be squandered. I can serve people who do not reciprocate with like service.

If I ask God to remove this remaining chip of evil in my heart, this lump of which I’ve been ignorant because I have disguised it in a cloak of good intention, if I give my own desire to BE loved to God, I can become a perfect lover. With the assistance of God I can love like God, and not like the petty, violent lover I am on my own. I won’t withhold my love from anyone. I won’t regret the love I don’t receive.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hi there... just stumbled on your blog, and this entry speaks volumes to me-- thank you so much for sharing it.

Rebecca C.