Betty Duffy

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Pedge Cries Foul

“It is the rare individual who is truly entertained by the fabulousness of others. You look great?—congratulations! So did the last lady who walked past me.” —Above it all Betty

Pedge calls me on the phone and says, “Really? Really? You have no interest in looking at other good looking people?”

“Um…” I’m suddenly remembering that little battle I have with my husband every time we choose seats at a restaurant. There’s always that little dance as we each try to get the seat that faces the largest number of other patrons in the restaurant. It has occasionally come just shy of both of us sitting on the same seat trying to push each other’s rear ends off onto the floor.

Yes, I LOVE looking at fabulous people. I’m hugely entertained by it. I could go to the airport and sit there all day evaluating people’s outfits. People watching is FUN. Here’s what I should have said: “It is the rare individual who, when sizing up fabulous people and realizing she’s too fat to compete, does not feign contempt for those whom she would like to be.” There, I’m jealous of rich, skinny people!

“You’re probably thinking I’m such a flake every time I open my mouth," says Pedge. "I like wandering around Target.”

OK, So, no, Target doesn’t do it for me, but the thrift store does: witness the four hours I spent wandering around Unique Bazaar—the most enormous thrift store I’ve ever seen. It was Nirvana, Mecca, Heaven, Eden for this heathen girl extraordinaire. It doesn’t matter if you don’t need anything at the thrift store—it only costs 79 cents—buy it anyway. This is why I have a closet full of high heeled shoes made for the runway, that only get worn to clean toilets: Electric yellow Bruno Magli sling-backs ($1.50 at Value Village), white ankle strap Charles Jourdans ($2.00 at Goodwill), red patent leather (can you say street walker?). So I’ve spent a few hours lying on my back looking up at my fabulous shoes—no joke—the gravity pulls the knee fat up towards your body so that your legs look longer, thinner, and even better with that high-heeled shoe hovering up there. Are you happy, Pedge? I’m shallow, materialistic, and I buy things I don’t need, just because they’re a good bargain.

This is what friends are for--keeping us honest and grounded.

“And really,” says Pedge, “if we’re going to be these over-the-top Catholics, we have a responsibility to at least look normal. We are not freaks.”

Eight more weeks, Pedgy-poo! I promise, I’ll put away the yucky clothes the second I fit back into a normal pair of jeans.


JenX67 said...

What I love most about this post is that it's written by a devout Catholic and mentions street-walker red in a sentence. This was cathartic for me. If you know other bloggers like you, will you send them my way. There are a couple of jerks on my blog roll that need replacing.

Elizabeth said...

remember the night at nicky claines when you wore the street walker shjoes, the doorman kind of growled at you "nice shoes" as in nice shoes baby, just wear those and nothing else. oh, it was priceless. if you don´t remember that wake up sister, you´re hot. this makes me miss $1000 dresses bought at the local DAV for $6.29, the emmy´s, the oscars, 3 buck chuck, skinny cigarettes and shannon ave. put the yellow fab shoes on a do the pregnant mam walk. and if you ever decide to go totally selfless a rid yourself of the fab yellow shoes, i´m 1st on the list! i love you, betty!

Pedge said...

Well, I just love reading about myself. I think I will print this off and send it to my mom and grandma. It makes me feel famous. Love to you Betty, Pedge

Valerie V Heider said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
vallie duffy said...

Not admitting to reading this blog, but if I were, I would totally LOVE (and wholeheartedly agree with) this line...

“And really,” says Pedge, “if we’re going to be these over-the-top Catholics, we have a responsibility to at least look normal. We are not freaks.”